we're blogging at a bar
The best revenge is premature balding
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
