Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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