Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
