The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize