The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
