Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
