I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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