another moral hangover. fuck.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
