I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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