Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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