nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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