before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
