its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
