Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
