found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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