if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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