Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
