We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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