oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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