How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
