Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize