Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This baby is an asshole
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
