I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
