Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
