He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
