You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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