Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
