That's when you crack a 10am beer
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize