She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
