I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
