Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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