i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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