So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
