he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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