So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
