Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
