no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
