i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
