Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
