too bad you live with your parents still
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
