Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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