I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I did not marry a roomba.
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