glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
