I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
