He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
