You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
