Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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