I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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