She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
