I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
