I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
