Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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