Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am one with the molecules
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
