this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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