and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
