Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
