You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
