Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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