i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
