he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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