Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
