No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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