I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
