Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
