gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
