Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
