He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
