some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
