I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize