I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
