actually, I'm a sock model
so explain again why im purple
no
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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