I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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