Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
