too bad you live with your parents still
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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